I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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