goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
