just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
