I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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