Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
