So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
