You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
