i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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