Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
