Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
