Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
