and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
