ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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