cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize