I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
