I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
