YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My cat gives me a boner
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
