He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
