i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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