I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
