i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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