Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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