I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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