i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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