we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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