My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You pole danced in your parka.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
