this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
