i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
