i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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