She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
