i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
