Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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