my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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