I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
