I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
