so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
