Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
