Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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