Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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