I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
