I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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