Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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