Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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