when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
