It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
