are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
