if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
