And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
