I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
