And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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