U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
