i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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