I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize