I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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