Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She needs sedatives and a leash
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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