First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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