I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
