just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
