Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
