There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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