I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize