Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
