Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize