just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I lost the right to judge tonight
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
