she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize