So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
