At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize