She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've blown a few things in my day
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
