addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drunk is not a location!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
