So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
