I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She told me I should be a condom model.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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