i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
