I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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