it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
