forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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