seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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