Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
