Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
