There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
