you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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