I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
