Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
