you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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