What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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