do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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