Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
