Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize