I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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