I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
