dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What a fucking waste of an outfit
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
