I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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