You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
