You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
