you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
