I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize