and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
