the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
